Life Lessons—Look a Little Deeper

Shiloh battlefield in Corinth, Mississippi

I’ve been so blessed to have spent the last several days in and around the little town of Corinth, Mississippi. It is so rich in history, particularly surrounding the Civil War.

Every place I turn has a story that altered the face of our nation. The ground that I walked on was rich with events of the past… of heroes and legions.

Life Lessons—It's Never too Late

by Reba J Hoffman, Ph.D.

It's never too Late to follow your dream

I hear individuals all the time saying they wish they would have done something earlier in life, because now it’s too late. I can understand that if you wanted to be a child idol and you’re 35. I’d say that dream is gone. If you want to be a wide receiver for the NFL and you’re 62 AND female, chances are that ain’t gonna happen.

Life Lessons—Living on Purpose

by Reba J Hoffman, PhD

I talk to people everyday who say they would like to do this or that but just can’t find the time. I understand their plight.

There are some days when I feel as though I need to hold my breath to open up a spot in my day.

It’s a wonder we get anything done in our busy world. Remember when summer days seem to stretch into infinity? You could lay in the grass for hours on end watching the upper winds blow puffy clouds by.

Life Lessons—Stop Thinking Outside the Box

by Reba J Hoffman, PhD

Is it just me or do you get tired of hearing people say, “think outside the box”? I personally think that’s very poor advice. Here’s why. Thinking outside the box interjects that confining cube into your life when it never was part of the décor in the first place!

You wouldn’t have to worry about that if you never had a box, now would you? That whole concept is entirely limiting. Think about it. You only have two options. Either you think inside the box or your think outside it. Right? Are you feeling a bit claustrophobic? Yeah, me too.

Life Lessons—The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

by Reba J Hoffman

Ok, I know many of you started humming a song just then, didn’t you? I know that, before long, you will be GPS-ing “over the river and through the woods” so you’ll safely make it to grandmother’s house for Thanksgiving. Nothing like family, love, turkey and trimmings. Oh yeah, and lots and lots of FOOTBALL!!!!!

I wouldn’t trade those memories for anything. Know what else I wouldn’t trade? My dreaming. This really is the most wonderful time of my year because it’s when I dream big and set goals for the upcoming year. My imagination conjures up all sorts of exciting possibilities. I usually set about three goals in each important area of my life that I’ll spend my time accomplishing during the 365 days that start January first.

I’ll admit, that doesn’t sound as inviting as Grandma’s pumpkin pie, but I promise you that the results will be just as sweet. Here’s why:

Life Lessons—Only One Thing!

by Reba J Hoffman, PhD

A to-do list longer than Santa's?

Ever had a to-do list that’s longer than Santa’s list of who’s naughty and nice? Yeah, me too, especially when it comes to writing and developing new ways to live my dream. My dad used to say, “The more I do, the behind-er I get.”

Wasn’t great English but the wisdom rang through. There are so many things to do sometimes, those with a dream become weary. Sometimes it’s so overwhelming, you just pop-n-plop. You toss a bag of popcorn in the microwave and plop down in front of the TV to watch a movie.

It becomes routine until you look back over a year wondering what happened to it. Your dream is no more realized than the day you birthed the desire in the first place. There is something you can do to make sure that doesn’t happen to you. That is, concentrate on Only One Thing!

Here’s why that helps you: 

Life Lessons—Mining for Gold

by Reba J. Hoffman

Gold doesn't hang from the trees.

What would you do if you could walk outside and gold would be hanging from the trees and sprouting from the grass? You’d stop reading this blog post right now (sorry Edie), grab a bucket and head outside, right? Of course you would.

Well, while gold isn’t hanging like an ornament from the oak tree in your front yard, writer’s gold is everywhere. Great authors take advantage of that wealth, understand it on a deep level and invest in its growth.

Each and every day of life is chocked full of precious golden nuggets of truth and wisdom. And yet writers—and people in general—expend an overwhelming amount of energy trying to avoid it.

I wrote this in one of my books of long ago: True wisdom is forged on the anvil of suffering. It’s absolutely true. All the hardships you face in life hammer out a wisdom that will be intricately and uniquely woven into the fabric of your story. But, it’s completely up to you whether or not you mine for it.

Here are some steps you can take to turn the calamity in your life into award winning novels.

Life Lessons—Killing Time, A Dangerous Pursuit

by Reba J Hoffman

Life was slower when I was growing up

I grew up in a slower time. Summers seem to stretch on forever. My friends and I would go down to the creek on a lazy Sunday afternoon. We’d skip rocks across the water, swing from a rope, splash into the deep end, and dry off in the sunshine while gazing at clouds. When I got home and was asked what I’d been doing, my answer was always, “killing time.”

Today is a much different world. I have gray hair and a few extra pounds. I’d injure myself if I swung on that rope and there is absolutely not a single second to, ummm, “kill”.

With every passing day I’m reminded of what a gift life is and how my days are numbered. Even if I live to be a hundred, I’m on the down slope. When I was young, I really thought life was forever. I was invincible. Immortal. Today I know that I’m not even guaranteed tomorrow.

Being faced with that truth, I learned a few things I’d like to share:

Life Lessons—5 Reasons You Should NOT Quit!

by Reba J. Hoffman

Don't quit on your dream!

In my blog post, Three Feet From Gold, I talk about how close a person may be to their dream when they abandon it.

It’s sad, really, but fortunately you don’t have to quit. In fact, most of the time, you should NOT quit. Here are five reasons why I believe this.

Life Lessons—Breathe In….Breathe Out

by Reba J. Hoffman

Watch your stress level

I was fortunate to meet some of you at last week’s ACFW conference in Dallas. What a grand time we had. Whether you attended that conference or not, this seems to be a time of year when writers’ stress level increases.

You have edits, or what’s worse, nothing to edit when others are buzzing with red pen syndrome. Children are back in school activities and volunteered you to be the team driver. Your spouse thought it would be a great idea to invite their boss to dinner. So what if you didn’t get the memo.

There are some things you can do right now to help you survive and thrive during this very busy season. Here are just a few. I could list more but I don’t want to overwhelm you.  

• Breathe in… breath out. Seriously. Yes, I mean now. Go ahead. I’ll wait. Consciously doing nothing except breathing in and out will give you a vacation from the chaos. It will also increase the blood flow to your brain.

Write it out

• Make a list. It is empowering to have the things you need to accomplish right in front of you. As you complete them and check them off your list, it energizes you and helps you tackle the next project on your list.

• Write it out. If you’re feeling overwhelmed or tugged in so many directions you feel you need a name change to Mr. Gumby, sit down and write how you’re feeling. Not only could you uncover a hidden roadblock, but you’ll get those emotions out. No mulligrub stew for you.

• Turn in your cape. You’re not superman, no matter what you or the world expect of you. You’re mere moral and can only do so much and it doesn’t include leaping tall buildings with a single bound. So, turn in your cape and give yourself permission to just do your best… whatever that is today. 

It won’t all get done. It wasn’t meant to. Life isn’t like that. You weren’t designed to be all things for all people and you aren’t expected to do everything. So cut yourself some slack. Breathe in… Breathe out. Relax. It’s all good.

Are you overwhelmed today? What’s got you that way? Share it here.

Reba J. Hoffman is the founder and president of Magellan Life Coaching (www.magellanlifecoaching.com). She holds a Ph.D. in Clinical Counseling and is a natural encourager. She serves as Member Care Coach for My Book Therapy and is the author of Dare to Dream, A Writer’s Journal. You can connect with Reba through her motivational blog, Finding True North, or by email at reba@magellanlifecoaching.com. You can also follow her on Twitter at @RebaJHoffman.

Life Lessons—Getting Out of a Funk

by Reba J Hoffman

When you're in a funk, everything stinks!

I’m sure it’s happened to you before. For some reason you just feel emotionally paralyzed. And more often than not, you don’t know what caused it. You just feel awful. Not depressed… but sort of. Not angry… but irritated. It’s like you’re floating on the garbage barge on the Hudson River. Everything around you just stinks.

Yep, that’s a funk, or as we call it where I come from: the mulligrubs.

As a writer, you’re even more at risk for funk-itis than, oh, say the greeter at Wal-Mart. Why? Because you’re not only dealing with your own emotional ups and downs, but those of your characters as well.

Experiencing your character's emotions can be an
occupational hazard of writing

It’s an occupational hazard of being a writer. Alicia, your protagonist, loses her puppy. You type it out and move on. Then, suddenly out of seemingly nowhere, you feel like you’re grieving. Are you crazy? No, just identifying with your characters.

Here are some things you can do when you need help getting out of a funk.

• Recognize and admit you’re in the funk. You may be thinking, Duh, but most of us try to rationalize those feelings away, or ignore them altogether. That never works. 

• Center yourself in the moment. Oftentimes writers construct story lines that are parallel to their lives. That’s good in that they have an inside scoop to the inner workings of that event. The downside happens when your brain automatically files that fiction under one of your “Oh-geez-I-just-got-jilted” breakups.

• Don’t give it control. As soon as you recognize it’s happening and you emotionally center yourself in the present, you have full power to take charge of it. Do something constructive like write another scene, go for a walk, or call to encourage a friend.

Be nice to yourself!

• Be nice to yourself. Don’t beat your chops because you get into a funk. It happens to everyone. It’s not like you lost the family ranch in a bet at a horse race. It’s a part of being human. Don’t take it so seriously. Moons aren’t the only things that are blue occasionally.

As a writer, every emotional hill and curve provides valuable insight as to how your characters will feel at some point. Take time to notice how you feel in a funk. No, really. It will make you a better writer… and will help you get out of the funk!

When was the last time you were in a funk? How did you get out of it? Leave a comment.

Reba J. Hoffman is the founder and president of Magellan Life Coaching (www.magellanlifecoaching.com). She holds a Ph.D. in Clinical Counseling and is a natural encourager. She serves as Member Care Coach for My Book Therapy and is the author of Dare to Dream, A Writer’s Journal. You can connect with Reba through her motivational blog, Finding True North, or by email at reba@magellanlifecoaching.com. You can also follow her on Twitter at @RebaJHoffman.

Life Lessons—Getting the Most Out of a Bad Situation

by Reba J Hoffman

Life is filled with unexpected pleasures. At least that’s what I say when I’m faced with those challenges that blindside me and make me want to hide my head in a hole.

I used to hate those times. I’m still not comfortable in them but I’ve come to have a very healthy respect for them. We’re friends and enemies in the same relationship.

I’ve learned that bad situations can help you and me in so many ways. Here are a few. 

• Knowledge and wisdom. Hands down, the wisdom you gain through challenges is more than you will ever gain from any other force in life. You can’t get that type of wisdom from reading a book. Only through experience.

• Exponential growth. A pastor once told me, “It’s not what you go through, but what you grow through that counts.” At the time I had no idea how true that was. You will grow by leaps and bounds through bad situations than through gravy days.

• Fortitude. When you have to dig deep and tough it out, you gain a wealth of strength and tenacity. Good thing, too because you’ll be sure to need it in the future.

• Aware of Unfair. Remember when you were a kid and you found yourself on the short end? You likely stuck out your lower lip and said, “That’s not fair.” Well, guess what? Life isn’t fair but it was not designed to be. Life is full of opportunity. If life were fair you’d never get a book published. Why? Well, that wouldn’t be fair to all those really bad writers, now would it?!

• Pleasure. One of the greatest things about being uncomfortable during a bad situation is when it’s over. You relax and bask in how good you feel. Your pleasure receptors soak in the feeling and cause you to release good chemicals in your brain. You just plain feel GREAT.

Bad situations are never fun but they are ohhhh so valuable in your life and writing. Make friends with them. Suck the goodie out of them. Record them in your heart. The day will come when you will be very glad you did.

What bad situations have you experienced? What did you learn? How has that helped you? Leave a comment!

Reba J. Hoffman is the founder and president of Magellan Life Coaching (www.magellanlifecoaching.com). She holds a Ph.D. in Clinical Counseling and is a natural encourager. She serves as Member Care Coach for My Book Therapy and is the author of Dare to Dream, A Writer’s Journal. You can connect with Reba through her motivational blog, Finding True North, or by email at reba@magellanlifecoaching.com. You can also follow her on Twitter at @RebaJHoffman.

Life Lessons—Birds of a Feather

by Reba J Hoffman

I’ve always been very independent. In fact, when my Native American mom wouldn’t see me for hours on end, she finally named me “Winds of Autumn”. She said trying to pin me down was like trying to catch the wind and put it in a box.

So you can imagine how difficult it was for me to embrace the idea that I needed to be around other writers. Somehow, it just didn’t seem like a team sport to me. I was perfectly fine with going at it alone…or so I thought.

The truth is we have to surround ourselves with those who are like us. No, not those who all dress in white shirts with pocket protectors, black pants, white socks, and black patent leather shoes. That’d just be creepy. I’m referring to those with similar goals, journeys and dreams.

Here’s why: 

• They understand you. If I say, “Shhhh, the voices in my head are talking,” to my therapist colleagues, they might want to do a psychiatric evaluation. But if I tell my fellow novelists, they totally understand. It’s completely normal.

• It’s less lonely. Isn’t even a daunting task more fun when you have someone to do it with? Writers can meet regularly at Barnes and Noble or your favorite spot for coffee, computers and companionship.

• They can relate. They’ve been there or they are walking the path right now. They can warn you about the hazardous curve ahead or the bumps in the road. And, you can do that for others.

• It’s less tiring. Ever see migratory birds flying together? From a distance, it may appear they stay in the same position but no one fowl shoulders the load alone. Each of them takes a turn flying into the wind. The other birds draft behind, drafting off the bird in front of them. So it is with authors. Why invent the wing?

• It broadens your horizons. You have never walked in someone else’s shoes. Being able to see life through their eyes deepens your knowledge and can give you more well-rounded plots and characters. 

I guess what I’m saying is don’t be like me. I really lived up to Winds of Autumn. Looking back I realize that was a hard, agonizing way to fly. So gather your flock and perch somewhere together. The eggs you lay will hatch into an awesome bird!