Feeling Emotional—Don’t Tell Anyone!

instead show them

Telling the story, instead of showing it, is one of the most common mistakes beginners make. During the first draft almost all of us, no matter how advanced, tend to tell a lot of the story. It’s only natural. This is the time when our manuscript comes together and telling allows us to develop the bones or structure of the story before we refine it into a compelling work of fiction. But beginners often stop the refining process too early. So how do we take a story from just bare bones? One of the best ways is to add depth by showing how our characters feel without naming the emotions.

Now, I know a lot of you are probably having the same reaction I did when I first heard it wasn’t a good idea to name an emotion. I had a rather loud conversation with the writing book that first shared this nugget of information.

“You have got to be kidding me! Who made up this stupid rule? How can I tell the reader what’s going on if I don’t use words like scared or angry?”

And there is the crux of the problem—beginning writers always default back to telling the story. Writing fiction is hard work. It takes a lot of time and effort to write a book and write it well. You already know this—after all that’s why you’re taking the time to read and study about how to improve.

Like I mentioned, I didn’t have a positive reaction to my first exposure to this convention. But now it’s an aspect of rewriting that I enjoy and even look forward to. I look on this as a challenge—a game of sorts. The best part of this game is that when I, the author wins, everybody else does too. Am I nuts? Absolutely, but I am, after all, a writer!

Let me give you some examples. I’ll start each out with an excerpt where I name the emotion. Then, in the second, I'll let you see how I changed it to let the reader name the emotion by interpreting the character’s actions.

Example 1

Emotions Named:

She began to cry as shame and anger warred inside. “I didn’t do anything wrong.” Her voice sounded hoarse as she tried to control her frustration.

Emotions Implied:

Tears flooded her eyes, making his features blur as she lifted her head and tried to focus. “I didn’t do anything wrong.” Her voice came out like a croak and she tried to clear her throat, but choked on the unshed tears.

The first excerpt tells the reader what’s going on. Granted, the writing is clear, but we’ve all heard the expression that a picture is worth a thousand words. The second excerpt is that picture. It invites the reader into the action and leaves them to draw their own conclusions.

Here’s another one.

Example 2

Emotions Named:

Manaen rose, her anger giving her strength as she faced her brother. “Do not think to intimidate me.” His arrogance amazed her even as it infuriated her. “I am not a child to be bullied. My Lord’s Spirit speaks to me as clearly as to you.”

Emotions Implied:

Manaen rose in response, her eyes almost even with his as she drew herself up to her full height, oblivious of her feminine garment. “Do not think to intimidate me.” Her jaw worked as she gritted her teeth. “I am not a child to be bullied. My Lord’s Spirit speaks to me as clearly as to you.”

And a final one.

Example 3

Emotions Named:

Rage sent Josiah shooting to his feet. “I tell you, Manaen, I’ve never witnessed any Elder behave in this manner.” Josiah paced, feeling like his world was collapsing. Confusion made him restless. “I just don’t understand.”

Emotions Implied:

He shot up from the desk, upsetting the chair. “I tell you, Manaen, I’ve never witnessed any Elder behave in this manner.” Josiah prowled through the briefing area of their quarters, picking things up and setting them down again. “I just don’t understand.”

Now it’s your turn. Take one of these two sentences and show us the emotion in place of naming it.

Example 1

Susan’s agony flooded through her as sorrow mingled with guilt. “What have I done?”

Example 2

“Hello? Who’s there?” Jenny’s fear reached a crescendo as the footsteps above moved toward the stairs.

I can't wait to see what you come up with - so

Don't forget to join the conversation!

Blessings,

Edie

Writing is NOT just a solitary pursuit!

We've all heard it said that writing is a solitary pursuit. We can even visualize writers in ages past, slaving away in garretts or hermit-like abodes. In reality, writing is an endeavor built on forging relatioships.

• Between you and the reader
• Between the reader and the subject or characters
• Between you and the editor
• Between you and your agent
• Between you and other writers

I'll go even a step further and propose that writing something for publication is like going on a first date!

If you think about it you'll see it's true. With writing, like first dates, the first impression counts. When you write your first line is your first impression and many times it determines whether or not your reader will go any further in the relationship.

Mistake Number One
One mistake we make is in how we present our story (in fiction-especially book length). We've all met people who try to give us their life story in the first thirty seconds we meet. It's not comfortable and I often find myself running for the exit. This was illustrated in a popular episode of the TV show Seinfeld. Does anyone remember the 'Close Talker' episode? Sometimes we open our novels with too much information and we overwhelm the reader. There's a term for this, backstory.

Mistake Number Two
Another first date mistake we make in writing is in non-fiction. We've all met the person who exaggerates everything. It's hard to take anything they say at face value. I've actually found myself looking outside, if this type of person says it's sunny, just to verify the truth. We can come across that way in articles and non-fiction books if we aren't careful about where we get our facts. It takes time to do in depth research, but the reputation you'll have as a writer is priceless.

Mistake Number Three
The last mistake we sometimes make is the blind date. Now, I know there are exceptios to the rule, but generally blind dates don't end well. It also doesn't end well for us as writers if we don't know our audience. We have to take time to know who our audience is. This is equally true if we're writing books or articles or devotions.
So now it's your turn - how have your relationships with the reader turned out?

Don't forget to join the conversation!
Blessings,
Edie