by Edie Melson @EdieMelson
"Nobody takes me seriously as a writer or respects my time."
This seems to be a common refrain I hear from newer writers. They’ve finally worked up the courage to get serious about writing regularly and some of their closest family and friends won’t respect their time. They get calls during the times they’re writing and attitude if they don’t stop to talk. They hear comments that undermine their newfound confidence.
“You can do that, after all you stay home all day.”
“Oh come on, you’ve got nothing better to do.”
And my favorite. “It’s not like you have a real job.”
So what’s a writer to do?
To begin with, take a deep breath and realize this problem isn’t unique to writers. It happens to everyone who works from home—I should know—my husband and I have shared a home office for the past thirteen years. For some people an office isn’t an office if it isn’t off site. Not logical—but an all too common misconception.
I’ve fought this battle—sometimes more successfully than others—and these are the strategies I’ve come up with.
Tips To Help Friends and Family Support Your Writing
- First, make certain you’re setting the example you want followed. By that I mean keep regular hours. Notice I said regular hours—not normal ones. For years I wrote with young children. That meant writing in the afternoons and after they were in bed. Just because you’re working odd hours doesn’t mean you can’t have a schedule.
- Second, treat what you’re doing like you’re serious. If you blow off writing for shopping and lunch several times a week your friends and family won’t understand if you don’t stop for them.
- Third, be consistent. If you’re not accepting calls from your mother-in-law because you’re working, don’t spend the afternoon on the phone with your best friend. Stay focused on your writing. This is even more critical if your time is at a premium.
- Fourth, recruit a support team. Instead of adversaries, enlist your friends and family to help you reach your writing goals. Communicate those goals, clearly and frequently. Ask for their help to reach them. After all, what mother doesn’t want to help her baby succeed!
- Fifth, share your victories. Let those that help you share in the joy of goals accomplished and milestones reached.
These five things have helped me immeasurably over the years. But they’re not a cure-all. There will still be those who think what you do is fun and not work. Expect that, anticipate it even. Knowing it happens to everyone takes away a little bit of the sting.
So what have you found to help when you struggle with sabotaging friends and family?
Don't forget to join the conversation!
Blessings,
Edie
TWEETABLE
She and husband Kirk have been married 40+ years and raised three sons. They live in the foothills of the Blue Ridge Mountains and can often be found hiking—with Edie clinging to the edge of a precipice for the perfect camera angle and Kirk patiently carrying her camera bag and tripod. Connect with her on her website, www.EdieMelson.com and through social media.
Thanks for these excellent tips, Edie. I've learned that respect for my writing starts with me. If I treat my writing as a serious business, others will usually follow suit. For example, I report to my home office every morning at 9:00am, not in my pajamas but dressed (makeup included! :)) as though I were going to an office at a location different from my home. I tell my family that I'm at work until 3:00pm and that, unless it is an emergency, they can reach me only during my lunch hour from noon to one or after work. I am happy to say that my family and friends have been very supportive. But it is I who must guard and protect the boundaries I've set for my writing business by first respecting them myself.
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