Wednesday, July 10, 2013

How Writing Ruined My Wife—Help. I’ve Been Infected—With Writer’s Block!

by Kirk Melson

Yes, believe it or not I’m back.

Between my traveling schedule and Edie’s it’s been hard find a Wednesday when we’re together. Of course I could have done this on my own, well except for uploading it to her blog that is. But the truth of the matter is that she’s rubbed off on me in a rather uncomfortable way.

I’ve been experiencing some rather alarming symptoms. I have a kind of fogginess in my mind, my fingers won’t work and when I look at the computer I only see white.

I’ve been told it’s a common malady among writers—which is something that alarms me even more than the symptoms.

You see, I have every indication of coming down with…wait for it…


The list of why this is upsetting is almost too long to include. But the biggest problem with this diagnosis is the fact that I AM NOT A WRITER.

I keep trying to explain this to Edie, but for some reason she’s not listening. She just keeps giggling when I tell her this.

Another thing wrong with this scenario is the fact that, at times in the far-distant past, I’ve been less than sympathetic when she complains of these same symptoms.

In the far-distant past, I’ve been known to say things like:

“What’s so hard about writing? Just sit down and write.”
“I wish some of us had such a handy excuse to not work.”

And the worst of all:

“Suck it up and get in the mood.”

Did I mention I HAVE NOT said anything resembling the above statements recently?

She has had great fun reminding me of things I’ve said. I’ve reminded her that it’s been years (one might say, far-distant past) since I was so insensitive. Unfortunately she has the memory of an elephant.


I have a great deal of sympathy to the plight of writers (a group of which I’m not a part) when it comes to finding topics to explore and things in general to say.

Because of that—and the fact that I do in actuality have a day job—I’m backing this column down to once a month.

So I’d plan to give you a quick teaser so you’d drop back by. But there’s only one problem with that.

Anyone have an idea for a topic?


  1. Kirk, I'm sorry to say, I have to agree with Edie! It's not that easy to "just sit down and write." :) As far as for a topic, do I hear writers block in that? Sorry, I couldn't resist! Love you, Edie!

  2. Oh, Kirk, you've been missed. I smiled when I saw the whole the "How Writing Ruined My Life" header on Edie's blog today. Really, I did.
    Ideas, you say?
    I'll have Rob call you so you too can brainstorm.
    How about 5 ways (or 10 ways or 2 ways) to comfort a writing spouse when they have writer's block -- or what not to say --since you've learned that the hard way?
    Or how you have to keep up 2 conversations with your wife at the same time -- and know when she's switched from real people to imaginary?
    How to support a spouse when their on deadline? Or post deadline? Or wishing they had a deadline?
    Raising children when your spouse is a writer ... oh, the depths of stories there ...
    Yeah, you and Rob need to talk!

  3. I have a topic idea:
    "Cloning Husbands who Encourage the Write Way"

    Hubby's idea of my day: "How Many Items Can You Put on Craigslist"
    My idea of my day: "Plotting How to Solve the Craigslist Murder" in 80,000 words or less

  4. I've missed your column Kirk so I couldn't help smiling when I saw today's title in my inbox. Cutting back down to just once a month? Bummer.

    The fact that you have writer's block and no sympathy from Edie just proves one thing: what goes around comes around.

  5. This is my first time reading your column. From your writing and the comments I think I have really missed something I should have read. I only have one question. Do share a printer or do you each have your own? Sounds trivial but it created a problem in my house till I bought my own, mainly for the scanning feature.

  6. Oh my Kirk. How will we ever get through the other three Wednesdays in the month without you? Write on!!!!

  7. Quit your whining, Kirk, and get back to writing. :) How hard can it be? How about, "five things not to say to a spouse after a rejection?" or "How NOT to end up in your wife's novel?"

  8. I will look forward to that one Wednesday a month, Kirk! And I will miss your posts the other three.

    I'm facing a little writer's block of my own (just) this evening, so I don't have any clever topic ideas right this moment.

  9. I'm thinking of the perfect Christmas list geared toward writing spouses appearing in November to help out beleaguered non-writing partners.