Friday, April 25, 2014

Life Lessons—Silence the Voices in Your Head Once and For All

by Edie Melson

As writers we all hear voices. Often times they’re the characters who inhabit the worlds we create. But almost as often, they’re the voices of naysayers, reminding us how horribly we’re going to fail. I call these the You Can’t Voices.

And even worse than the You Can’t Voices, are the voices that try to remind us of all the good things we’re neglecting when we self-indulgently steal time to write. I call these the You Shouldn’t Voices.

Today I’m going to share some thoughts about those last two categories and how to silence the voices in your head.


You Can’t
These voices come from lots of places. They’re echoes of things people have actually said about us and our writing. Here are just a few:

  • Critique partners. Don’t get me wrong I am NOT slamming critique partners. The point of critiquing is for us to find out where we’re falling short. I need that, desperately! But my mind is a funny thing. My crit partner can spend an entire page telling me what I did right, and one sentence on where I can improve and my mind latches onto the negative, replaying it over and over again.
  • Book Reviews. These little gems can be deadly. Even a fairly decent book review can leave us feeling flat and like we’ve failed. For instance, a 3 or 4 star rating instead of a 5 star. Then there are the deadly 1 star reviews. Randy Ingermanson shared his thoughts about those in a recent post on Novel Rocket and I cannot say it any better than him. If you missed it, here it is, On Reading Your One-StarReviews and Eating Rat Poison
  • Random People Who Claim You’re Ignorant. Why do I let people that I don’t think have sense enough to come in out of the rain, live in my head? I replay their hurtful comments on my intellect and common sense over and over again. I can decide to listen to their voices or I can evict them. I’ve learned to choose the latter.
You Shouldn’t
As deadly as the You Can’t voices are, these are even more lethal. These are seductive sirens, leading us down the deadly paths of should. These are nothing more than echoes of false guilt, meant to entice us into good and away from God’s best.

If only life were always black and white. It’s easy to tell the difference between what’s good and bad. But the difference between good and best—that’s a tough call—for anyone.

I think the key to combatting the You Shouldn’t voices lies in listening to the call that God has placed on your heart. We all have a different path, a different purpose for our days. Beyond that, our duties change as our lives change.

There was a time when my calling was to motherhood. There was a later time when it was to church ministry. Now it’s to a wider audience. Each of these callings required me to give up something good to get to God’s best.

For example, now that I’m traveling and speaking to a wider, national audience, my ministry in our home church has all but dried up. Am I neglecting my church? I don’t believe I am. (And neither does our pastoral staff, who advised me to back off and let God widen my audience.) God is calling me to something different. Our church isn’t suffering, there are many willing to step into the places I stepped out of. And they’re doing a much better job than if I had stayed, conflicted and disobedient and covered in guilt.

I can spend my life chasing everything—trying to be everything I SHOULD—and failing miserably. 

Or I can spend my life chasing God. 

It’s that simple. Notice I said simple—not easy. But here’s the choice: When I chase after God the stress and the guilt melt away. Why? Because…
  • He orders my days.
  • He assigns the tasks.
  • He equips me to do the work.
The voices still clamor for attention, but this way I just refer them to Him. He’s the one in control. If the ship that is my life needs to change course, God is big enough to do it. There’s no true guilt, no condemnation from God when I seek after Him with my whole heart.

Am I always going to get it right? Of course not. But I don’t have to. God promises to guide and equip me. He’s not sitting in heaven, pen in hand, ready to write down every mistake. He’s here with me, cheering me on. He’s inviting me to join Him where He’s working. If that isn’t a reason to refuse to listen to the voices, I don’t know what is.

So I’m inviting you to lay down those dirty dishes, let the vacuum cleaner rest for an extra week, bow out of another round of committee meetings.

Instead, choose joy.

Choose the joy that comes from refusing false guilt and instead letting God mold you into who He wants you to be. What do you say? Are you in?

Don’t forget to join the conversation!
Blessings,

Edie

TWEETABLES

19 comments:

  1. Thanks for those wise words, Edie. Sometimes those mind voices are loud. It all boils down to your last words, letting God mold us.

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    1. Barbara, the wisdom comes from God and it's been a hard-learned series of lessons! Thanks for stopping by, blessings, E

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  2. Edie, wow, did I ever need this! I think once again you made your way into my brain. You of all people know how the you can't voices have effected me over the years. And, you have a lot of times been the one to help silence them with "you're doing what God has called you to." I want to publicly thank you for that. Love you, precious friend!

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    1. Jamie, don't sell yourself short. You're making forward progress! Blessings, E

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  3. Edie, thanks so much for putting into words what so many of us feel. The "shouldn'ts" are the ones I struggle with the most. But like you said...God is bigger.

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    1. Sandy, it's something we all deal with! Blessing, E

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  4. I love this, Edie! So true and so needed...Thanks!

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    1. Vonda, thanks so much for the encouragement! Blessings, E

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  5. Awesome thought. I so understand the local church thing. I still help on Wed. nights to keep me grounded, but I've had to give up being as involved as I was in the past. Not so much with attendance but helping with all the extracurricular activities...

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    1. Jennifer, thanks so much for sharing your thoughts. It helps that we all face similar things! Blessings, E

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  6. Oh, how I needed to hear this TODAY!! Thanks, my friend. :)

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  7. Edie, you hit (pretty much ;) -that is a smiley face by the by) every voice. Mine started out whining, 'what exactly do you think you can say that hasn't been said before--and much more succinctly?' All the way to 'look at their disappointed little faces (I know my oldest child is 41, and youngest is 21, but...) they still NEED me for something or other... All of the voices are there. Very good post.

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  8. Thanks for the wise counsel and encouragement, Edie. As always, God's grace shines through your words, placing them right where they need to go. I am blessed:)

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  9. Edie, I'm so glad that I read your encouraging post. Thank you!

    Blessings on your weekend ~ Wendy ❀

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  10. it's a choice of ownership. Whose do we want? The world's or the kindness of our Savior who, as you stated,has our times in His hands. I love what David says, "All my springs are in Thee.' Many times I wake up to that voice of not good enough and I have learned to respond, "That's not my Daddy's voice. I refuse you!" The best part of such a response is hearing Father's smile. "Oh, yes, She's got it. She knows she's mine and i love it!"

    Thank you Edie for helping us as we walk this sometimes lonely path. You, are a blessing!

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  11. I so needed to see this! I've been struggling with both "can't" and "shouldn't" lately. Thanks for this blessed reminder of God's guidance!

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  12. Edie, Enjoyed the pep talk. I do suffer from feeling indulgent and try to do all the things I use to do before writing. I'm getting better at slacking off things that aren't as important, but still have too many things on my plate!!

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  13. Edie,
    I struggle with the balance. I know Christ died for the church. He loves the church. He uses the church as his primary means to reach the lost and disciple the saved. Christ didn't die for the para-church organizations. He died for the church. For this reason, I believe I should never neglect the church. With that being said, as I minister to the believers in the universal church, is that enough, or should my primary place of ministry be the local church? I'm not sure. It's an area where I want to be obedient to the Lord. Thankfully, as I pray James 1"5, he'll enlighten me. Thanks for sparking the conversation.

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  14. I've been at this for over a year. I have had a few articles published but before I even submit something I always wonder if "it's good enough" then the self doubt escalates. Thank you for your encouraging words and reminder that we all have to go through rejections. I am so thankful that God has called me to do this regardless of a paycheck or not. I have to keep my FOCUS on Him and what words he wants me to share. Thanks again.

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