How Writing Ruined My Wife—Being an Apple is at the Core of the Issue

By Kirk Melson

An Apple is at the core of the issue

NOTE: The Contest is Closed. The puns are highlighted in yellow, and if you count the title, there are a total of 15 puns - if you count the sticker on his head. If you got 14 or 15 you've been entered in the drawing.

Last week I shared with you how my wife loves gadgets more than jewelry. Well the more I thought about that, the more I realized the issue really extends beyond just gadgets. If you boil it all down, being an Apple is at the core of the issue.

I’ve tried to trace this obsession with Apple products back to a single source, but it’s tough. The closest I can come is to place the blame on Al. That’s Alton Gansky, in case you didn’t know. Most of you are familiar with him as a bestselling novelist and writer. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE his books. I’ve read pretty much all of them, at least the ones I can get my hands on.

But to me, he’s the guy who exposed my wife to the Apple virus. Not a good thing if you’re a hard core PC man like me. But as far as I can tell, her obsession with everything Apple stems from his rotten-to-the-core influence.

Yes, this is an old IBM ThinkPad.
Edie's first laptop.

And truthfully, this puts me in a bit of a jam. I mean, come on, I’m the one with the engineering degrees. I introduced Edie to her first home computer back in the early 80s. I bought Edie her first laptop. I’m supposed to be the guy in the house who knows everything about computing.

Yeah, not so much.

Not only is she running a foreign machine, a MacBook Air, for pete’s sake. But she’s taken my advice and gone out and taught herself everything there is to know about digital technology. I’m just struggling to preserve my dignity here.

Actually, now that my thoughts have jelled, I know the blame falls at the foot of my tree. Around the time she started hanging out with Al at the Blue Ridge Conference, I taught her how to get the information she needed for herself. She was asking me ten, fifteen, twenty questions a day about how to do different things.

I made the judgment call that she’d be better off not having to rely on me for all this information. My heart was in the right place, but truthfully, I just created a monster. Now she knows way more about modern computing, especially when it comes to networking with others through any kind of digital medium.

I find myself forced to go to her for incider information…just to keep up.

But what’s a man to do? How do you handle it when you find yourself in the middle of the PC vs. Mac debate? Is there anyone else out there with this problem?

Note from Edie: I think my husband may have gone a little far with the cleverness factor. We’re having a family debate about it right now and need your help. He’s inserted multiple (bad—my opinion) puns having to do with the apple. I told him nobody would pick up on them. He said they would. I told him that I know my audience—

Well, you get the idea.

So here’s the deal. I have list of all the bad apples in this post. (See it’s contagious, now he’s got me doing it!) Leave your best answer for how many total bad puns are in this post, including the title and even in this note from me. Anyone who gets the right answer will go into a drawing for a book of his or her choice. You can choose between either of my books:

Fighting Fear: Winning the War at Home When Your SoldierLeaves for Battle

Or

Connections: Social Media and Networking Techniques forWriters

E-book or print version—winner's choice.

Good Luck!

PS. He just called me a bookworm. Add that one to the list...