Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Get Taken Seriously as a Writer by Your Family and Friends

Nobody takes me seriously or respects my time.

This seems to be a common refrain I hear from newer writers. They’ve finally worked up the courage to get serious about writing regularly and some of their closest family and friends won’t respect their time. They get calls during the times they’re writing and attitude if they don’t stop to talk. They hear comments that undermine their newfound confidence.

“You can do that, after all you stay home all day.”

“Oh come on, you’ve got nothing better to do.”

And my favorite. “It’s not like you have a real job.”

So what’s a writer to do?

To begin with, take a deep breath and realize this problem isn’t unique to writers. It happens to everyone who works from home—I should know—my husband and I have shared a home office for the past thirteen years. For some people an office isn’t an office if it isn’t off site. Not logical—but an all too common misconception.

I’ve fought this battle—sometimes more successfully than others—and these are the strategies I’ve come up with. 
  • First, make certain you’re setting the example you want followed. By that I mean keep regular hours. Notice I said regular hours—not normal ones. For years I wrote with young children. That meant writing in the afternoons and after they were in bed. Just because you’re working odd hours doesn’t mean you can’t have a schedule.
  • Second, treat what you’re doing like you’re serious. If you blow off writing for shopping and lunch several times a week your friends and family won’t understand if you don’t stop for them.
  • Third, be consistent. If you’re not accepting calls from your mother-in-law because you’re working, don’t spend the afternoon on the phone with your best friend. Stay focused on your writing. This is even more critical if your time is at a premium.
  • Fourth, recruit a support team. Instead of adversaries, enlist your friends and family to help you reach your writing goals. Communicate those goals, clearly and frequently. Ask for their help to reach them. After all, what mother doesn’t want to help her baby succeed!
  • Fifth, share your victories. Let those that help you share in the joy of goals accomplished and milestones reached.

These five things have helped me immeasurably over the years. But they’re not a cure all. There will still be those who think what you do is fun and not work. Expect that, anticipate it even. Knowing it happens to everyone takes away a little bit of the sting.

So what have you found to help when you struggle with sabotaging friends and family?

Don''t forget to join the conversation!


  1. Another great post, Edie. Keeping regular hours has been especially beneficial for me. I'm also in the process of learning how to rest in the One who scripted this journey for me in the first place. With His backing, I find I'm less discouraged by what others say...or don't say. Thanks, Edie!

  2. Great post. Thank you for the encouragement this morning!

  3. Sigh. Big sigh. (So ok, I don't know how to spell "adhum")
    My friends and family aren't the problem.
    I am.
    There, I've admitted it. In public even!
    Thank you, Edie, for everything.

  4. Ditto what Bren said.
    I need to set my schedule and stick to it.
    Now, I've said it too. Thanks Edie and Bren.

  5. Do I see a theme here? Okay, Stacy and Bren, Edie and I have both read your statements and we're holding you to it!

    Seriously, treating your writing as a business will greatly influence how others see it. I know.

    My problem is that I don't know when to STOP working!

  6. Edie, this is great. My problem IS the schedule. I work changing hours parttime and care for the needs of my family.

    This is something I need a kick-start to do. Thanks, for the reminder!

  7. I needed this today. Heck, I should print it, frame it, and hang it above my desk!

    Hi ho, Hi ho, it's off to work I go...