How Writers Can Handle Criticism Without Losing Confidence
by A.C. Williams @ACW_Author
Conference season is in full swing, and if you are like many other conference attendees, you have braved the terror of an editor or an agent and presented your manuscript for review. Maybe you even took advantage of an editorial critique. If that’s you, I’ve got a question: How’d it go?
Critiques are challenging. It’s terrifying to present your work to an expert for their feedback. What if they hate it? What if they tell you to stop writing? Those fears are valid and, in some cases, realistic.
In most interactions with professional editors or publishers, criticism is common. Well meaning, usually, but common, especially if you are new in your author career. But even though criticism might be offered in kindness or compassion, it’s still someone telling you that your work needs work.
So how do you handle it? Is it okay to feel hurt? Is it okay to be disappointed? If an editor doesn’t like what you wrote, does that mean you have to stop writing altogether? Should you change genres?
Or do you ignore it completely? Do you assume that the editor had it out for you? Maybe the editor just decided that he didn’t like you, and this was his way of trying to hurt your feelings. Or maybe the editor didn’t actually know what he was talking about and just didn’t understand your genius.
Well, let’s talk about it, because it’s valid to be disappointed, and it’s also wise to carefully consider the feedback you receive. But in an emotionally charged scenario like this one, what do we do with our feelings? How do we navigate the challenge of critique?
First off, let’s just unscrew the halos for a moment. Even if an emotion isn’t “happy” doesn’t make it bad or wrong. Hurt and disappointment and discouragement are entirely to be expected when you receive challenging feedback on a project you’ve worked hard on, so go easy on yourself. Let yourself feel.
However, and this is the important part, don’t let all those feelings inside you bubble up and become your motivation to lash out. Yes, you may be feeling hurt, but that doesn’t mean you have to hurt other people in return. Let yourself feel the hurt but then set it aside.
Your work matters, but you shouldn’t find your worth in your work. Writing your story is a valuable pursuit, but it shouldn’t define you.
It’s normal to get caught up in our work. It’s normal to care deeply about the projects you’re working on. If we don’t care deeply about our projects, why are we working on them? But the moment criticism of your project becomes a personal attack, you have allowed that project to become your identity.
The first step to navigating the negative emotions after a critique is to make sure you aren’t reacting from a heart of hurt. Make the space to evaluate where that hurt is coming from.
If the hurt you feel is disappointment, that’s normal. If the hurt you feel is directed toward a desire to improve, to grow, to increase your experience so that you can do better the next time, that’s wonderful. But what if it comes from somewhere else? Does the hurt emanate from a need to be validated, to be acknowledged, to be recognized? Some of that is normal, but if you need to hurt someone else as a result of that need, your heart isn’t in the right place.
Your feelings are valid. Remember that, and you are entitled to feel however you want to feel when your work doesn’t perform as well as you would like it to. But your feelings may not be telling you the truth. Our emotions can tell us a lot about our state of being; they are like the dashboard on a car. But sometimes what we feel can lie to us.
Legitimate feedback may hurt, may be disappointing, may make you cry, but that doesn’t mean you need to stop writing. That doesn’t mean you have failed. All it means is that your writing isn’t perfect.
Guess what that means?
It means you get to improve. It means you can learn to write a better story. It means that you can take the feedback you received and polish your story and submit it for feedback again!
In the end, the feedback you’ve received is the opinion of one person. Maybe they don’t understand your vision, or maybe they actually gave you a good critique that will help you become a better writer. Regardless, neither option should make you feel like a less successful author.
It’s okay to feel disappointment. Give yourself some time to recover from the hurt, but don’t let yourself stay there. Look at it like an opportunity to learn and then move forward.
Obstacles don’t have to be barriers; sometimes they can be stepping stones to something better.
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