Find Freedom from Shame’s Shackles

by Sarah Van Diest @SarahVanDiest

“I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made” Psalm 139:14

Shame: “a painful feeling that's a mix of regret, self-hate, and dishonor.”* We all know how it feels. 

Simply put, it’s a negative feeling we work diligently to avoid, and yet so many of us live with shame as our constant companion. (https://www.vocabulary.com/

dictionary/shame)

Today is my youngest son’s sixteenth birthday. (Happy Birthday, Colin!) We have five sons ranging from sixteen to twenty-four. I’ve watched each one struggle with shame as they’ve passed through various life stages. I would do anything to take it from them, to lift shame from their shoulders and throw it far, far away. I’m not talking about the sense of guilt for having acted badly, because that can lead to a change of heart, I’m talking about the sense of worthlessness that shame brings.

“Worthless” and “insignificant” are lies, and it angers me to see it creeping up to any one of my boys; doing its darndest to leach on and drag them down…

…because I know personally the agony shame brings.

Shame tells me I don’t have a seat at the table, unless somehow I’ve earned it (an ever-shifting target).

It tells me I can’t eat, because I don’t deserve food (it’s reserved for others).

It tells me I am not worthy of the air I breathe or the ground beneath my feet.

It tells me to disappear into the floor so no one has to deal with me.

Shame is shackles and prison bars. It paralyzes and controls. It is fully the opposite of freedom and life.

We all know shame in an experiential sense; some to greater degrees than others. Being born into the human race guarantees our acquaintance with it. But why? Shouldn’t we be asking that? Shouldn’t we be able to find a way to bring a new born into the world and keep the ugly monster of shame away from the door? Why is a meeting with shame an inevitability? Can we do anything about it?

I think the why is pretty straightforward: the Fall. It’s that simple. We live in a fallen world and shame dominates the landscape. When Adam and Eve first realized they were naked, they covered themselves and hid. I love God’s response, “Who told you that you were naked?” (Gen. 3:11). The Liar twisted what God had decreed was good and told them it wasn’t. Shame entered the story of man with that infamous interaction with the Serpent.

The Serpent’s words clouded their vision both of God and of themselves. God hadn’t changed. Man hadn’t changed. But their perception had. Though they were confused by the lie, God remained steadfast, faithful and loving; and man remained His cherished creation. This is the point I want to make for us today because it has to do with what we can do about shame.

Simplistically stated, we learn to discern our Father’s voice. Studying the truth about this steadfast, faithful and loving God and abiding with Him is how we learn His character and know His voice. It’s how we can separate truth from lie.

The obfuscating storm cloud that is shame is where the truth about God and about ourselves is turned and twisted into harmful, painful messages. Just as Adam and Eve did, we cover ourselves believing that hiding will ease our discomfort and protect us. Shame makes promises it cannot keep: “Hide yourself and you will be safe,” “Cover yourself and you will be protected.” When God is our true refuge and God is our secure hiding place (Ps. 46:1 and Ps. 32:7).

If our enemy is not able to create anything new, because only the Father can do that, then all he can do is distort what already exists. All he can do is turn the truth on its head, either completely upside down, or off kilter just enough that it is believable, but still a lie. So when we hear the words of shame telling us we are not worthy, that we don’t deserve a seat at the table, that the ground beneath our feet should swallow us whole; and if we know who our Father really is and we have learned His character, we can know the words of truth are the not those words. We can know that a lie has been made out of a truth.

Standing outside the storm cloud is the Lord loudly proclaiming our value and worth, but the enemy takes His words and confuses them. Hear the Father’s voice and be set free from shame!

My dear friend and pastor, Curtis Tucker, has just finished a profoundly powerful book on the issue of shame. It’s called Damn Shame: Finding Freedom from False Beliefs. It comes out this week, June 15^th. He looks at the biblical derivation of shame, demonstrates how our errant understanding of who God is and who we are effects our sense of worth, and shows us the wonderful truth a straight forward reading of the Bible reveals.

Freedom from shame may feel impossible, but nothing is impossible with a loving God.

http://www.amazon.com/Damn-Shame-Finding-Freedom-Beliefs/dp/1938499409?ie=UTF8&keywords=damn%20shame&qid=1465494411&ref_=sr_1_1&sr=8-1

https://www.facebook.com/events/242988566062805/

https://www.thunderclap.it/projects/42813-damn-shame

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Sarah has worked in Christian publishing since 2005 as both an editor and an agent.

Currently, she works with her husband, David, in their agency, the Van Diest Literary Agency. Writing is a growing passion for her as she hopes to bring hope to hurting hearts.