Thursday, August 22, 2013

I Don't Get No Respect!

Get Taken Seriously as a Writer by Your Family and Friends

"Nobody takes me seriously or respects my time."

This seems to be a common refrain I hear from newer writers. They’ve finally worked up the courage to get serious about writing regularly and some of their closest family and friends won’t respect their time. They get calls during the times they’re writing and attitude if they don’t stop to talk. They hear comments that undermine their newfound confidence.

“You can do that, after all you stay home all day.”

“Oh come on, you’ve got nothing better to do.”

And my favorite. “It’s not like you have a real job.”

So what’s a writer to do?

To begin with, take a deep breath and realize this problem isn’t unique to writers. It happens to everyone who works from home—I should know—my husband and I have shared a home office for the past thirteen years. For some people an office isn’t an office if it isn’t off site. Not logical—but an all too common misconception.

I’ve fought this battle—sometimes more successfully than others—and these are the strategies I’ve come up with. 
  • First, make certain you’re setting the example you want followed. By that I mean keep regular hours. Notice I said regular hours—not normal ones. For years I wrote with young children. That meant writing in the afternoons and after they were in bed. Just because you’re working odd hours doesn’t mean you can’t have a schedule. 
  • Second, treat what you’re doing like you’re serious. If you blow off writing for shopping and lunch several times a week your friends and family won’t understand if you don’t stop for them. 
  • Third, be consistent. If you’re not accepting calls from your mother-in-law because you’re working, don’t spend the afternoon on the phone with your best friend. Stay focused on your writing. This is even more critical if your time is at a premium. 
  • Fourth, recruit a support team. Instead of adversaries, enlist your friends and family to help you reach your writing goals. Communicate those goals, clearly and frequently. Ask for their help to reach them. After all, what mother doesn’t want to help her baby succeed! 
  • Fifth, share your victories. Let those that help you share in the joy of goals accomplished and milestones reached. 
These five things have helped me immeasurably over the years. But they’re not a cure-all. There will still be those who think what you do is fun and not work. Expect that, anticipate it even. Knowing it happens to everyone takes away a little bit of the sting.

So what have you found to help when you struggle with sabotaging friends and family?

Don't forget to join the conversation!



  1. Even Jesus was not accepted in his hometown comes to mind. I have a very close relative that I've sent my blog to for 3 years and she has never said anything to me about it. That hurts a little. I try to be aware of other's passions and ask them how it is going. My niece teaches violin lessons. My nephew writes songs and just cut a CD with his friends. People light up when you ask them about their passion. Try it!

  2. Edie, thanks for this post. I needed to read it...especially after the week I'm having right now. I hope you do a post about negative family members! :) Love you, sweet friend!

  3. Great suggestions. I thought after I sold a book, people would take my time more seriously. ROTF. So now I'm trying to turn all phones off and Internet when I write. That's hard to do, though. :-)

  4. This post help me realize--again--how blessed I am to have the supportive wife and kids that I have. And it also makes me feel sad for those who don't have the same kind of support. Thanks, Edie, for offering solid suggestions for those who are struggling with non-supportive family or friends. Your posts are always so useful.

  5. We must take our work seriously before we can truly expect those around us to do the same. Sometimes I am the guilty one. I do appreciate the tips you have given us.

  6. Good one, Edie. I'm finally doing better with this. Finally! But I can always use a reminder.

  7. Spent the morning trying to appease my husband (newlywed, March 31) by shopping from one drugstore to another..."just errands".

    He asked me how I was feeling.


    He joked. "Yeah, I can frustrate a popcorn kernel."

    I am not a popcorn kernel. He is not the enemy. I appreciate the reminder. Maybe I should get a poster. Or procrastinate a little more by going to my ADHD anonymous website.