Wednesday, March 13, 2013

How Writing Ruined My Wife—Being an Apple is at the Core of the Issue


By Kirk Melson

An Apple is at the core of the issue
NOTE: The Contest is Closed. The puns are highlighted in yellow, and if you count the title, there are a total of 15 puns - if you count the sticker on his head. If you got 14 or 15 you've been entered in the drawing.

Last week I shared with you how my wife loves gadgets more than jewelry. Well the more I thought about that, the more I realized the issue really extends beyond just gadgets. If you boil it all down, being an Apple is at the core of the issue.


I’ve tried to trace this obsession with Apple products back to a single source, but it’s tough. The closest I can come is to place the blame on Al. That’s Alton Gansky, in case you didn’t know. Most of you are familiar with him as a bestselling novelist and writer. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE his books. I’ve read pretty much all of them, at least the ones I can get my hands on.

But to me, he’s the guy who exposed my wife to the Apple virus. Not a good thing if you’re a hard core PC man like me. But as far as I can tell, her obsession with everything Apple stems from his rotten-to-the-core influence.

Yes, this is an old IBM ThinkPad.
Edie's first laptop.
And truthfully, this puts me in a bit of a jam. I mean, come on, I’m the one with the engineering degrees. I introduced Edie to her first home computer back in the early 80s. I bought Edie her first laptop. I’m supposed to be the guy in the house who knows everything about computing.

Yeah, not so much.

Not only is she running a foreign machine, a MacBook Air, for pete’s sake. But she’s taken my advice and gone out and taught herself everything there is to know about digital technology. I’m just struggling to preserve my dignity here.

Actually, now that my thoughts have jelled, I know the blame falls at the foot of my tree. Around the time she started hanging out with Al at the Blue Ridge Conference, I taught her how to get the information she needed for herself. She was asking me ten, fifteen, twenty questions a day about how to do different things.

I made the judgment call that she’d be better off not having to rely on me for all this information. My heart was in the right place, but truthfully, I just created a monster. Now she knows way more about modern computing, especially when it comes to networking with others through any kind of digital medium.

I find myself forced to go to her for incider information…just to keep up.

But what’s a man to do? How do you handle it when you find yourself in the middle of the PC vs. Mac debate? Is there anyone else out there with this problem?

Note from Edie: I think my husband may have gone a little far with the cleverness factor. We’re having a family debate about it right now and need your help. He’s inserted multiple (bad—my opinion) puns having to do with the apple. I told him nobody would pick up on them. He said they would. I told him that I know my audience—

Well, you get the idea.

So here’s the deal. I have list of all the bad apples in this post. (See it’s contagious, now he’s got me doing it!) Leave your best answer for how many total bad puns are in this post, including the title and even in this note from me. Anyone who gets the right answer will go into a drawing for a book of his or her choice. You can choose between either of my books:
Or
E-book or print version—winner's choice.

Good Luck!

PS. He just called me a bookworm. Add that one to the list...

44 comments:

  1. Hey Edie! Just to let you know, if I had my sight, I'd probably be as facinated with Apple products as you are! As far as your question, I'm going to say 7! Love you, precious friend!

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    1. Jamie, thanks for playing along! Blessings, E

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  2. I'm going with 7 bad puns too. Fun post, though! I'm buying a MacBook Air in April!

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    1. Lisa, will you have it for the MBT staff retreat? Then we can all drool over the latest and greatest from Apple! Thanks for stopping by, Blessings, E

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  3. And the answer is 14! Both of you are hilarious!

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    1. Thanks for stopping by! He's definitely got the hang of this, hasn't he, Blessings, E

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  4. No, I think the answer is 12. Funny post. And I'm in the barrel with Kirk on the pc.

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    1. oooooh, good one! Thanks so much for stopping by, Blessings, E

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    1. Tammie, we appreciate you stopping by and playing, Blessings, E

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  6. These Wednesday posts always make me smile. I count 14.

    Deborah

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    1. Deborah, that's what we aim to do, make people smile! Thanks for playing along, Blessings, E

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  7. I count 10, but I've also had recent cataract surgery so may have missed some.

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  8. I'm going with 11. I found them funny (that's one for Kirk!) My favorite was "incider" (and I saw that the first time around!)
    Barb Winters
    P.S. Edie - I can't figure out how to get my name to show up when I comment as "wordpress" (instead of the address of the blogsite). I've spent hours on this . . .

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    1. Barb, to answer your questions first, let me look into that. I know there's an answer.... Thanks for joining the fun, Blessings, E

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    1. Ellen, thanks so much for dropping by, Blessings, E

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  10. Fourteen and my favorites are when he preserved his dignity and when his thoughts jelled. I'm corny and punny that way. Great post. I think Kirk's the winner in this debate, Edie. :)

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    1. Kim, I think you're right, just don't tell him I said so. He's so funny when that Apple icon appears on his forehead! Thanks for playing along, Blessings, E

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  11. I am going with 11 (with an iffy 12).

    Y'all are hysterical ... and yes, my hubby will be reading this post. He's still on our old PC.

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    1. If you ask me they're all iffy. They (your husband and mine) can compare notes at Blue Ridge. Thanks for joining the fun, Blessings, E

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  12. I'm going with 11. Very clever indeed, Kirk. :)

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    1. Cathy, thanks so much for playing along, Blessings, E

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  13. Oh.My.Gosh. This is absolutely hysterical! And I thought Edie was the Apple of his eye! Sorry, you knew I could NOT resist. Oh, this does not count as a pun. Seriously, we could start a contest to see who else could come up with additional puns.

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    1. Reebs, HOW did he miss that one?!? Thanks so much for joining the fun, Blessings, E

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  14. Kirk is a great writer, too! Seems he has learned quite a bit from you... :)
    And he was right... Seems your audience has been able to find a lot of puns.
    When I read "incider" my brain literally started to scream, Spelling mistake! Spelling mistake! A proofreader here, please! It took reading one of your readers' comments to get the obssessive inner linguist to shut up.
    Very good one! I love puns.

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    1. Carina, he definitely is. But we'll keep that our secret, this is my site after all! LOL! We misspelled that one (insider) because we were afraid it was too subtle. Thanks so much for playing along, Blessings, E

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  15. I count 15 including the one on his forehead. Love it! Yvonne

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    1. Yvonne, thanks so much for stopping by to play! Blessings, E

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  16. I'm going with 12 puns. I'm not counting the apple on his forehead! Elaine

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    1. Elaine, thanks so much for playing alone! Blessings, E

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  17. LOL...gotta go with 12. And my engineer hubby is a pc guy at work...but he does like playing on his iPad!

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    1. See, we CAN convert them to the dark side! Thanks for stopping to play! Blessings, E

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    1. Rachel, thanks so much for joining the fun! Blessings, E

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  19. Sorry, Kirk, I'm on the Apple wagon myself. Edie made the best choice! Especially for a writer and one who's online a lot. I've had mine for going on 6 years and not a single virus or breakdown. Unless you're a computer whiz, a technical icon, or programmer, Apple's the way to go. :)

    All things Apple!

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  20. That depunds on how you define pun! But to me, the number of puns is ire elephant. I'm with Kirk on the value of puns in writing. In fact, new research in the Journal of Sighcology shows pun lovers are more creative. See http://bit.ly/eMxtSA for details.

    David R.Yale, author
    Pun Enchanted Evenings
    www.BestPuns.Com

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  21. Kirk - I never told you, but you really didn't have a chance to NOT become creative when you joined this family - it was just a matter of time! And on the subject of "apple", Edie, remember that my maiden name was Apple - do you suppose it could be in the genes? Love ya both!
    Mom Monita (Edie's mom)

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  22. Sooner or later you two will have to split the pie and be content with letting the other eat cake, or however it turns out. I hope your peelings for each other are not damaged with your good natured confection.

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  23. 12. Including the forehead. You guys need a real job:-)

    Melody

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  24. 12. Including the forehead. You guys need a real job:-)

    Melody

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  25. I found this article strangely appealing, so I asked my Granny (Smith, of course) what she thought of it. I've always been the apple of her eye, so she sugar-coated it and let it simmer on the back burner before answering. "He seems a bit crusty," she said. "Comes across as half-baked. Reminds me of your grandpa. Wanted to get a puppy. At our age, can you imagine? Talked about it every day. Said we could fence the yard and fix the back door so the beast could let himself in and out. I finally convinced him we couldn't afford to feed both an animal and ourselves. Turned out that an apple a day kept the dog door away."

    Oh, and the correct answer is zero. There's no such thing as a bad pun.

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  26. Hee-hee-hee... "Incider information" Priceless!

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  27. You made me laugh and I needed that! :-)

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